Read This Book

As a general rule, I don't do 850-page books. Not only are they anathema to my obsessive-compulsive/damn-I-want-to-finish-this-book-right-now tendencies, but they're so physically big that you can barely get a grip on them while you're lying in bed. (That's what she said.)

Stephen King's latest masterpiece is quite the exception, however.

At its core, 11/22/63: A Novel is about a 30-something high school English teacher who travels back in time in order to stop the Kennedy assassination... but the story itself is about so much more. Think Back to the Future meets JFK with a sprinkle of Lost. (And for true King aficionados, there's literally an It cameo weaved into the narrative.)

Truly one of the best books I have ever read... go buy it!

Worst... Songs...Ever...

This whole new Facebook "post the No. 1 song on the day you were born" craze has brought to light a very disturbing truth: mankind has produced some godawful music. Here are my picks for the ten worst songs ever recorded:  

10. Islands in the Stream (Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton) - I don't care how good his chicken is or how big her knockers are: this song has "goober" written all over it.

9. Afternoon Delight (Starland Vocal Band) - A dumb song with a catchy tune that grates in your head for days... a deadly combination!

8. From a Distance (Bette Midler) - Typical 80's "I want to save the world" sap-fest; and it gets extra points for the hideously obvious extra note in the second verse.

7. All Out of Love (Air Supply) - Its not easy to pick the single worst Air Supply song, but this one does take the cake.

6. Let Her In (John Travolta) - He should have stuck to dancing... and acting... (and Scientology, for that matter).

5. Teen Angel (Mark Dinning) - While looking for her boyfriend's ring, a teenage girl gets smashed to pieces by a charging locomotive... yeah - I can see how this one really got 'em dancin' at those 50's sock-hops.

4. Muskrat Love (Captain & Tennille) - Its a song about two muskrats in love. Seriously: I'm not lying.

3. I Am Woman (Helen Reddy) - A horrific song only made worse by its resurrection in the 2010 mega-flop Sex & The City 2.

2. Sometimes When We Touch (Dan Hill) - About a minute in a half into this song I feel like shouting: "just jump already and get it over with!"

1. You Light Up My Life (Debbie Boone) - As if being related to Pat Boone isn't bad enough, her one and only hit was/is this ultimate clunker. I would rather sit home and shove pins into my eyeballs than listen to it.

Of course irony being what it is, Debbie Boone's debacle was indeed the No. 1 song on the day I was born. Go figure! 

Comments, Please...

So silly ol' me finally realized that I had the comments on this blog restricted to only registered Google users... that was/is dumb. I have changed it so that anyone can now comment on any one of my blogs entries - past, present or future.

Go for it!

Something New

My New Year's resolution for 2012 is the same as it always is: to quit smoking... which is actually rather easy since I never have nor ever will smoke. Beyond that, I'm not a big fan of the whole resolution thing, because they're rarely genuine and they usually get tossed out the window by Groundhog Day.

But this year is different. This year I think I've come-up with a winner - an idea that speaks to the self-improving essence of New Year's resolutions while simultaneously providing additional fodder for my blog...

I'm going to try new things.

Twelve new things, to be exact. One for each month.

Keep in mind, of course, that trying new things has never been my hallmark. Think about it: I'm from New England (i.e. "The Land of Steady Habits"), I'm Polish (a population not necessarily known for their flexible, easy-going nature) and I've never lived more than thirty minutes away from the hospital in which I was born. (Hell - if you listen to my mother, even in utero I was only comfortable with what I knew since I refused to make an appearance until a full two weeks after my due date.)

Over time, though, I've come to realize that I'm just like that ugly little yellow guy with the hat in the Dr. Suess classic Green Eggs & Ham. Time and time again, someone (usually my wife) mentions something that I should try. They tell me its great, that I'd love it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera; and just like the ugly yellow guy in the book, I go on and on about how I don't like it, how I refuse to try it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The cycle is vicious and has continued time and time again over the course of many years... until now.

In each of the next twelve months, I am vowing to try one new thing that I have dismissed in the past as merely "green eggs and ham." It could be a food or an experience or an activity or an event - but it has to be something new, something that I've never ever done/eaten/seen/participated in before (and preferably something I can engage my wife and/or kids in as well). And when I'm done doing/eating/seeing/participating in each one, I'm going to write a blog entry about it - so come December 31, 2012 (assuming the Mayan conspiracy theorists are wrong) I will be able to look back upon a whole gamut of things that I said I'd never try but finally did.

I already have a few ideas based on things people have consistently suggested over the years:

• Trying yoga (that will probably be first)
• Running a 5K
• Eating sushi
• Getting a manicure (that one still may take some convincing)
• Seeing a foreign film
• Watching a live hockey game
• Eating like a vegetarian for a week

And again: those are just ideas. I'm actually looking for more... so if you have any, please send them along! I don't expect to fall in love with every single thing I try, but I'm also old enough to know that the failures and the "dislikes" in life are usually more important than the successes and the "likes." 

All in all, I think this could be fun - and I'm genuinely looking forward to New Year's Eve when I can look back and see all that I've done.

Let's roll! 

My Own New Year's Eve Countdown

When I was a kid, one of the things I always loved about New Year's Eve were the annual radio countdowns. Some had the 100 best-selling songs of the year, others played the songs with the most listener requests - and the truly ambitious ones did a day-long 300-song extravaganza featuring the top songs ever recorded.

Of course this was all back in the days when people actually a) listened to commercial radio, and b) used those corded telephone thingies to call their favorite DJ and request their favorite song... which is why I'm not sure radio stations even do countdowns anymore. Yet there was still something nostalgic - anticipatory, almost magical - about the skilled program director who could time his or her countdown so that the No. 1 song would play just before midnight, giving their listening audience that final little bit of closure they need before taking a cup of kindness yet for days of auld lang syne.

So it is in that vein (and with the help of the "plays" counter on my iTunes) that I decided to produce my own New Year's Eve countdown of my family's most listened-to songs of 2011:

1. Empire State of Mind (Jay-Z f/ Alicia Keys)
2. Make It Shine (Victoria Justice)
3. Volcano (Jimmy Buffett)
4. On The Floor (Jennifer Lopez)
5. You Belong With Me (Taylor Swift)
6. Kissin' You (Miranda Cosgrove)
7. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow (James Durbin)
8. When I Grow Up To Be a Man (Beach Boys)
9. Denise (Randy & The Rainbows)
10. Dancing Crazy (Miranda Cosgrove)
11. Picture to Burn (Taylor Swift)
12. Mean (Taylor Swift)
13. Shake It Up (Selena Gomez)
14. Baby (Justin Bieber)
15. Who Says (Selena Gomez)
16. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
17. Magic (Selena Gomez)
18. I Wonder Why (Dion & The Belmonts)
19. Back to December (Taylor Swift)
20. Basket Case (Green Day)
21. Let My Love Open The Door (Pete Townshend)
22. Kookie, Kookie Lend Me Your Comb (Edd Byrnes)
23. You're Not Sorry (Taylor Swift)
24. New York, New York (Frank Sinatra)
25. Girls In Their Summer Clothes (Bruce Springsteen)
26. Love Story (Taylor Swift)
27. Sunday in New York (Bobby Darin)
28. Fearless (Taylor Swift)
29. God Only Knows (Beach Boys)
30. Welcome Back (John Sebastian)
31. Runaround Sue (Dion)
32. Enter Sandman (Metallica)
33. Leave It All To Me (Miranda Cosgrove)
34. Lonely Teenager (Dion)

35. So What (Pink)

36. Big Time Rush (Big Time Rush)

37. Electric Blue (Icehouse)

38. Gitchee Gitchee Goo (Phineas and the Ferbtones)

39. Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne)

40. The King of Wishful Thinking (Go West)

41. That Thing You Do! (The Wonders)

42. Fish Heads (Barnes & Barnes)

43. Step By Step (The Crests)

44. The Imperial March (John Williams)

45. All the Right Moves (One Republic)

46. My Girl (Mindless Behavior)

47. We Will Rock You (Queen)

48. The Way I Loved You (Taylor Swift)

49. Boston (Augustana)

50. Remember Then (Earls)

51. One Less Lonely Girl (Justin Bieber)

52. I Wanna Go Back (Eddie Money)

53. Backyard Beach (Phineas and Ferb)

54. Opus 17 (Don't You Worry 'Bout Me) (Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons)

55. Temptation Eyes (The Grass Roots)

56. Mrs. Robinson (Simon & Garfunkel)

57. Get Ready For This (2 Unlimited)

58. Help Me, Rhonda (The Beach Boys)

59. Laid (James)

60. If You Wanna Be Happy (Jimmy Soul)

61. Glory of Love (Peter Cetera)

62. Waiting On a Friend  (The Rolling Stones)

63. Darlin' (The Beach Boys)

64. I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues (Elton John)

65. I Will Follow Him (Little Peggy March)

66. The Great Pretender (The Platters)

67. You Shook Me All Night Long (AC/DC)

68. Party In The USA (Miley Cyrus)

69. Learn To Fly (Foo Fighters)

70. Back On the Chain Gang (Pretenders)

71. Ever the Same (Rob Thomas)

72. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow (The Shirelles)

73. Freak the Freak Out (Victoria Justice)

74. Sugar Sugar (Archies)

75. Song 2 (Blur)

76. My Back Pages (The Byrds)

77. Take Me Home Tonight (Eddie Money)

78. Walk Like A Man (Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons)

79. This Old Heart of Mine (The Isley Brothers)

80. Stay (Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs)

81. Crazy Train (Ozzy Osbourne)

82. I Got a Man (Positive K)

83. Can't Nobody Hold Me Down (Puff Daddy)

84. Cotton Eye Joe (Rednex)

85. Bittersweet Symphony (The Verve)

86. Buddy Holly (Weezer)

87. Freedom (Wham!)

88. We Can Work It Out (The Beatles)

89. Heart and Soul (The Cleftones)

90. Sherry (Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons)

91. Twist And Shout (The Isley Brothers)

92. Love You Like A Love Song (Selena Gomez)

93. Dedicated to the One I Love (The Shirelles)

94. Einstein On The Beach (Counting Crows)

95. Goodnight Elisabeth (Counting Crows)

96. Hats Off to Larry (Del Shannon)

97. Mission Bell (Donnie Brooks)

98. Big Man In Town (Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons)

99. Twist, Twist Señora  (Gary U.S. Bonds)

100. Bit By Bit (Theme from "Fletch") (Stephanie Mills)

I counted seven or eight from Taylor Swift, a bunch more from Selena Gomez, and a delicate smattering of Justin Bieber. Couple in Victoria Justice and the dark-haired chick from iCarly and you have living proof that the girls outnumber the boys in our house. But I do have to give props to my two boys: their unflinching love for the New York Yankees obviously propelled "Empire State of Mind" to No. 1!

Happy New Year!

   

My Big Fat Polish Christmas

For a whopping 364 days of the year, my family exists devoid of any real celebration of our ethnic heritage.

Sure it sounds sad, but you don't have to be a sociologist or an anthropologist (or any ologist, for that matter) to realize it was bound to happen. My 100% Polish grandfather married my 100% Italian grandmother; and my Polish/Italian father married my 100% Spanish mother. Then to complicate matters further, I went and married a 25% Polish, 25% French, 50% WASP woman who had ancestors on the Mayflower. (I like to joke that they actually do have an ethnic celebration: its called Thanksgiving.)

The end result of all this madness, of course, is that my wife and I now have five wonderful children who aside from their decidedly Polish last name have no real sense of their own cultural heritage.

Except for Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve is the one night - the one holiday tradition - that has endured throughout my lifetime...and I've come to accept it as perhaps one of the few opportunities I have left by which to teach my children about their past.

Throughout my own culturally trifurcated existence, Christmas Eve has always been a celebration both of and with the Polish side of my family. The meal, at its core, consists of fish and pierogi - because in the true Polish tradition, you are not allowed to eat meat on Christmas Eve. My father recalls that growing-up the meal specifically called for seven different types of fish, although we have heard that in Poland the actual number is proscribed to be twelve (a discrepancy he simply chalks-up to his grandmother being a relatively poor immigrant). My grandfather's favorite is sledzie (kinda sorta pronounced SLEDGE-e), which is raw pickled herring... not particularly my cup of tea, but nonetheless a Polish delicacy available in large vats on the floor of just about every Polish deli and grocery on the infamous Broad Street in New Britain.

As for the pierogi: we get the real ones - the ones hand made by the little Polish ladies over at the St. Lucian's home and filled with good stuff like cabbage or sauerkraut or sweet cheese. (With my most sincere apologies to Mrs. T: I loathe bland, Americanized supermarket-freezer pierogi filled with potato and cheese... loathe!) Since my wife is part Polish too (the only ancestry we have in common), she more than qualifies to cook-up the pierogi... and this year, she's even adding potato pancakes to the mix!

In the Polish tradition, we also break and share the oplatek (kinda sorta pronounced oh-PWAH-tek) wafers - typically three communion-esque wafers with images of the Nativity on them. As our patriarch, my grandfather begins by saying a few words and then sharing the wafer with his wife and then sequentially with each of his three children, then his grandchildren... and by that point the ritual devolves into a joyous mass of chaos in which ultimately every member of the family has shared a piece of the wafer with every other member of the family and has wished them a Merry Christmas.

And then there's the song. Mixed-in among the secular sounds of Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is the only Polish song any of us in our family will likely ever know: "Dzisiaj w Betlejem" (kinda sorta pronounced GEE-shy beth-LAY-hem). According to my grandfather, the literal translation is something to the effect of "come to Bethlehem" or "rejoice in Bethlehem" - but admittedly none of the rest of us have even the slightest clue as to what the actual words in the song mean. All that we know is that its my grandfather's song - a song I remember him singing with his brother, that was most certainly sung to them by their mother, and one unquestionably sung to her by her mother. The rest of us have heard it throughout our lives and have either picked-up the words either through rote or osmosis - and I am insistent that if my children know nothing else about their past, this song must be it.

We are hosting Christmas Eve for this first time this year - and while I do expect these next 48 hours to be a bit hectic, I am genuinely excited... because while Christmas always has been about faith and family, for me it has also always been about my Polish heritage.

Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia! (Which I'm pretty sure means Merry Christmas!)

New Blogs

I'd like to extend a laurel and hearty handshake to the two latest editions to the blogosphere: my little brother Nick and Prof. Geoffrey "Thug" Elterich... check out their words of wisdom at the links below:

• Nick: Spoven Weedle Presents at http://nickjake00.blogspot.com/

• Thug: "Of Intersections and Strange Things Told" at http://ofintersectionsandstrangethingstold.blogspot.com/

Visit 'em... Read 'em... Follow 'em...