Father of Five: Twins Again?
By J.J. Treat
TWINS Magazine, Summer 2009
The grainy black-and-white ultrasound couldn’t have been any
clearer. Two small circles, two dark spots, two little flutters.
We were having twins. Again.
Alex and Madeline were four and a half, Katherine was not quite
18 months and there we were, back in the same exam room where it all started,
finding out we were having two more.
For a good, solid minute we sat in silence, taking deep
breaths and staring at the monitor as if we were in a trance. Finally my wife blurted
out: “Oh my God - what kind of a car is going to fit five kids?”
Without cracking a smile our doctor shrugged and deadpanned:
“A Suburban.”
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| Two set of twins... and Katie in between. |
Most statistics put the average American family at somewhere
between 2.06 and 2.10 children – a fact which has come to explain the novelty
of having five kids in today’s Western culture. From the minute we saw those
two little flutters we knew we’d be branded a social anomaly.
My mother-in-law, for example, burst into hysterical
laughter when we told her we were pregnant with Nos. 4 & 5. So did my
mother. My father literally took an hour to absorb the news, while my
father-in-law simply told us to get a bigger house… and soon.
When word got out to the rest of the world, most people gasped
and told us how lucky we were (a legitimate reaction given our doctor’s claim
that the odds of naturally conceiving twins twice is about the same as getting
struck by lightning). Others suggested we get our own reality show on TLC.
And of course all of the people who thought we were crazy to
have three children had plenty to say about our fourth and fifth. From the
generic “How will you afford it?” to the more caustic “better you than me,”
people didn’t mince their words.
Buried within the novelty, though, was the very real feeling
that our life was changing – and for real, this time. The jump from zero
children to two was big but expected; and the jump from two to three was
nothing. But making the leap up to five was an unequivocal game-changer.
For starters, my father-in-law was right: we needed to move.
Our three tiny bedrooms just weren’t practical anymore; plus, we wanted a town that
offered a myriad of sports and activities so our five kids, who all already have
different interests, would have plenty to choose from.
Mostly, though, we just needed to adapt to the everyday
nuances that exist outside the American “norm”. Most strollers are built for
one or two children; we needed one that could hold three. Most restaurants have
booths to fit five; we’d always need one for seven. And most deals, specials,
coupons and prizes are for a “Family 4-Pack.” With us that would barely cover
half.
Kevin and Elizabeth were born full-term on a rainy September
morning only a minute apart and weighing-in at a combined 14 pounds, 15 ounces
(which I’m fairly certain qualifies my wife for sainthood). Coming from a
comparatively small family, I was in awe – amazed, even – the first time I saw all
five of my children together.
As early as our hospital stay, though, random strangers felt
the need to weigh-in on the size of our brood. One woman chastised us for
having so many children, citing the world population and the growing need to
adopt. Another said we should have just stopped after the first set of twins.
And plenty of uninhibited types had the nerve to ask “natural or in-vitro” with
the same ease a waitress would ask “regular or decaf.”
Lucky for us, peppered within all the cynicism and
commentary was genuine excitement - mostly from people who either came from or
had big families like ours. They assured us that what most saw as a novelty was
simply just our life.
That got me thinking. With five kids in public school, I
will never again complain about paying my property taxes. And with five kids
living under my roof, I should be able to stop shoveling snow by the time I’m 40.
With five kids, they will have to learn patience,
independence and responsibility (since my wife and I can’t do everything for
everybody). They will have to learn how to share, how to fight and how to
resolve conflicts; and they will wave to learn how to tolerate other opinions
and adapt to other interests.
And with five children there will be plenty of people to
take care of my wife and me when we’re old. More importantly, though, there
will be plenty of them to take care of each other.
Life with a big family won’t always be easy. We’ve already
had (and will surely continue to have) our ups and downs. But at the end of the
day my wife and I rest well knowing we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Of all the questions we are asked, the most common is
always: “How do you handle all those kids?” I wish we had some snazzy, magical
answer; but when people ask how we do it the simple truth is: we just do.
And we haven’t even needed a Suburban… yet.
J.J. Treat lives in West Hartford, CT with his wife and five children.
